Sunday, November 11, 2012

My final gift to you

i guess i do not have the courage to say it directly to you. so i shall say it here.

life's been tough adapting to the changes, the absence of your scent, the absence of your smile, the absence of your chiding and most importantly, the absence of your presence. i wish you suffered less than me, i wish you enjoyed your time with friends, i wish you smiled, if not for me but i dun mind. even as friends i lack the courage to say hi to you, regretting as i saw my way out of reading room and you following along the queue. that day, i resisted the urge to ask you, to ask if u did fine - ur very best and to congratulate you in your journey towards the end of pw, the end of exams, the end of our end, for best or for worst.

tomorrow, you will embark on a trip overseas, 2 weeks of fun with friends and hopefully that will get your mind off me and my mind off you. i cant really say ill forgive you for stealing my heart, neither will i forgive you for giving it back. rather, i hope you will know that at least we have been through a lot together. i still remember the fireworks and lights display, our first night out at that very spot and we got lucky. not sure if it was destined or by luck, but im glad i got to see it with you.

i hated pw, not for the strenuous workload, not for highly helpful teachers, but because you suffered sleepless nights over it. i hated pw for the way you are allocated your group, i hated it for making you work triply or even quadruply hard, i hated it that i couldnt help you more... everytime you ranted about pw, my heart pains for you and i really wished to hug you even tho we are miles apart.

parents, they bring you up they can bring you down too. that night, i shed tears knowing you shed tears. i know its impossible to be true, but it is. i yearned so much to hold on to you, but i know your heart may be with me but your body is not. i dun hate your parents, i dun begrudge them, i dun blame anyone, certainly not you. time and time again, i tell myself i can wait, i can hold my flame in my heart, i can do it. time and time again, you told me to give it up. now i know you had my best interests at heart, that one day should fate really deem us together, we will ultimately walk down the church aisle together.

sometimes life really plays people; we go through good times and bad times, but we dun laugh through good times only - we laugh through bad times, we learn to pick ourselves up and be a better person. we shouldnt ask why it became like this, but rather how we can reflect and learn from this.

life aint easy, but life aint tough either. i trust you will lead your life as fulfilling and enriching as i live mine. jiayou and press on, pres.

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